The Importance of Communication in Relationships

by Daniel Evans
Reiki Master and Pranic Healer

Communication is so very important in relationships, all types of relationships, not just romantic relationships. And the communication includes both the verbal and nonverbal varieties.

A relationship is a connection and exchange between people. Communication plays a large role in the exchange between people. It exchanges information in the form of ideas, wants, desires, feelings, and much more. Incomplete or stopped communication can create a block in the relationship. The degree of the block can vary with the severity or repeating of the communication stop. A block in the relationship exists or will grow when communication is just flat out avoided.

A childhood covenant that I made was to avoid upsetting other people. Now this did not always give me good behavior. Instead, it got me to avoid communicating any topics that I perceived would upset someone else. However, in adult relationships, this behavior only avoided the hard issues that people have to work through for the relationship to be healthy and to grow.

A communication avoidance or stop will prevent that topic from being shared and gone through. When enough of these areas build up or a couple important ones develop, it behaves as if there were clamps on the lungs of the relationship. The relationship has trouble breathing. Without this exchange of life energy, the relationship cannot grow, it may struggle, and if it is severe enough, then the relationship suffers and dies. The relationship can be considered to be a living entity just as each one of us are living. There has to be a continuous flow of energy through each and every living entity. The flow is between each partner of the relationship and between the relating partners and the environment. Just as in an individual body, when the energy is blocked or stopped, a disease or illness starts to develop. The key for a healthy and growing relationship is to keep the communications flowing.

Communication can be stopped in a variety of ways. Avoidance was already mentioned. If both partners avoid the same subject, then it will never arise in conversation. If only one is avoiding the subject, they might just stop the conversation when that topic comes up. This is usually obvious. They might also divert the conversation and depending on their skill, this can be obvious or it can be done without notice. In either case, that aspect of the relationship that reflects that subject will cease to move. However, if the other partner notices the diversion or avoidance, then the interpretations or stories that the person puts on the avoidance can magnify the effect. And some people are good at creating some very negative interpretations for minor events.

Nonverbal communication can be even trickier. People put a lot of communication into nonverbal forms. This is especially true when people are approaching new romantic situations. Many people are not comfortable verbalizing enough of the romantic details. So the approach to romance is mostly through nonverbal signals. However, when the flow is broken, if the reason is not sufficiently verbalized, (such as, "I would love to ..., but right now because of ...) then the break is often taken as a permanent "no" or stop. This is why many people feel that they have only one chance as they enter a new relationship.

If you recognize that you are having difficulty in starting a communication topic, there are a variety of ways to get it going. If you can't say what you need to, you may be able to write it instead. If you can't approach a person directly, you can enlist the help of another friend to bring up the topic in front of the write person. You can also arrange items or events to cause a discussion of the appropriate topic. Sometimes you cannot talk about something because it got labeled as something to not talk about, so you don't talk about it at all with anyone. In this case, if you can find someone to tell, it will help to remove the power that item holds over you. It will usually be easier to tell someone who is removed from the subject. You can tell a stranger in a bar, a priest in a confessional, or a room of strangers in a therapy workshop. Whatever gets the flow moving is good and will reduce the power of that item. However, once a stuck item is nudged, then other communications or actions may be required to keep the energy of the release of the subject continuing. You have to pay attention to see what is needed.

However, paying attention is an important half of communication. Communication is part giving and part receiving. Both parts are necessary by both partners for good communications. Some people are good listeners and some are good talkers, but both partners have to do both for complete and effective communication. Communications can be stopped on both sides, by avoidance of the giving or telling, and by avoidance of the receiving. Attention has to be given to both sides of communication to insure that the communication remains completed by both partners and that stops or blocks are addressed and released to allow the relationship to grow in a healthy fashion.

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