- Forgiveness is a choice, an internal process. Forgiveness is a gift you receive because you’ve chosen to focus on other goals in your life, such as – better relationships, great health, a positive self-esteem, self-discovery, etc. Once you’ve traveled far enough down the painful road of un-forgiveness you will make your way to the healing process and this is where you find love and inner peace. Forgiveness means:
1. Accepting what happened,
2. Letting go of your negatively charged energy so that you stop attracting undesired experiences into your life again and again,
3. Changing your perception and shifting your paradigm, and
4. Removing the toxic influences in your life and flushing out the toxins from your mind, body and soul.
I use to find it very difficult to forgive. I believed, as most believe, that if I forgive I am condoning, tolerating and even trusting my trespasser. I felt this would make me susceptible to more abuse. What I have learned is that forgiveness is about freeing myself from the jail of my own mind and even my own heart. Because I had even built a prison around my heart – no one could get in and I surely did not allow myself to get out.
I tortured myself for days on end repeating the same madness of my abuse over and over again in my head; the anger growing inside me with each passing year until I created the most perfect physical ailment ever from all the repressed feeling I had in my body. I also attracted a relationship that mirrored to me what I thought about the most. It was in that perfect space when I could not escape what was inescapable (myself) that I sought spiritual guidance to help me travel through my healing journey. It was here that I found my self, my truth, my light, my love and my all. It was here that I was able to let go, let the Divine and get on with my life.
Forgiveness is a sign of positive self-esteem; something you do for you. When you decide to forgive, you open yourself to true unconditional love – not only of others but also for yourself.
The seven key steps to forgiveness are:
1. Have a strong desire to change yourself and your life. Begin to notice that things may not be working out as you imagined when you were a child. The pain may have manifested as dis-ease in your life and you want to heal it.
2. Get support from a friend, family member, spiritual mentor, life coach or counselor. Talk to someone you trust, who will listen to your story and validate your feelings.
3. Allow yourself to feel angry – this may be the hardest step for some. Most people feel guilty and shameful for being angry. If it helps stand up with eyes closed and say out loud “NO“ with as much power and passion as possible.
4. Really examine your life. Sometimes in the process of forgiving one person you realize there were many times in which you were hurt because you attracted similar situations and types of people through out your life. You’ll need to focus on the original source of the hurt.
5. Go with the flow of the process and accept that it is an ongoing healing journey. Be easy on you and do not expect yourself to wake up one morning and say I will forgive today and for it to happen or in your 5-year plan that you will forgive on the 15th of May.
6. Forgive yourself. You may be blaming yourself for aspects of the incident. An important part of forgiving is freeing yourself from destructive thinking as soon as possible. Intentionally direct your thoughts toward your desires – the life your heart wants you to live.
7. Surrender to learning the lesson your soul incarnated to learn. It is here where the Divine’s love is felt, embraced and you receive the gift. This is where perception shifts in such a way that instead of seeing the situation as a tragedy, you are willing to see the experience as being absolutely perfect for your growth.
Holding on to Pain Quiz
• Can you detail the ways your life would be better if only something that happened in the past had never happened at all?
• Do you hold grudges or harbor resentful feelings toward others?
• Did you swear you would treat your children differently from the way you were treated as a child only to find yourself repeating the cycle?
• Do you frequently feel empty inside and perhaps try to fill yourself with alcohol, drugs, food, sex, work, etc.?
• Do you feel like you are reenacting your past through your intimate relationships?
• Do you just get by at work?
• Is your body less healthy than you desire?
• Do you feel lonely and not whole?
If you answered yes to any of these questions chances are you are still hanging on to something that once hurt you. You are holding onto it like a badge on your chest and it’s keeping you from having what you truly desire. Isn’t it time you put down the pain, forgive and get on with your life? P.S. - Your life is waiting for you. You are so loved, so love yourself just as much!
Visit Trinity Nieves' profile page at http://befree2.byregion.net and her website at trinitynieves.com/
Be Free to Love
Dr. Sidney Simon and Suzanne Simon, Colin Tipping